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| Captain Amazing |
| 04.25.04 (9:33 pm) [edit] |
Here's another twisted tale from my brother and I. . .
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Captain Amazing had severe intenstinal distress. So he decided to eat H-Bombs. Suddenly, ape-like ants swarmed him. Captain Amazing’s innards flared and the cap’n doubled over.
Too bad the midgets with the gnome-like hats were HORRIBLE cannibals, as they were staring at the cap’n with tears in their eyes. The began to realize how hungry they were while thinking how they could possibly eat their master.
Fortunately for the sake of the midgets, the ape-like ants ate the minion midgets. Hence the midgets were unable to act out their canabalistic urges.
But wait, that didn’t happen. The ants were a figment of his imagination. Of course he realized that when he felt the teeth sink in. He gathered enough strength to rise above the midgets. He ran and found a crowbar. He spared no one, all of the midgets were left beaten on the beautiful grass.
The cap’n heard a cry for help across the city, and the cap’n felt that now would be a good time to try his H-FLIGHT!!!!!
The city was utterly destroyed.
The cap’n felt that his job was done. So he wiped up and went to the Castle of Eord Llyonette. The grandma there had rabies. When the Cap’n opened the door, he felt 5 rows of teeth sink into his forehead.
“SMASHED!” shrilled a muffled voice within the head of the grandma. Then a green gas started to seep out both her and the cap’n’s ears. The cap’n was desperately trying to get a grip on the situation when suddenly his thoughts were invaded by a giant green bunny in a coffinmobile. “I AM YOUR CONSCIENCE!” said the bunny. “HAVE SOME OF THIS!” He sank his teeth into the cap’n’s flesh.
Enraged, like an elephant with hayfever, the Cap’n rpped the grandma off of his face and proceeded to pummel his conscience with her. The grandma exploded (Raiders style) and thousands of teeth came spraying out like a horizontal shower of bullets. The cap’n was too busy laughing to dodge the ivory shower. They sliced through him like butter. It was a miracle SHE survived!
Standing over the corpse, SHE laughed hideously. “Never saw it coming!!!” The bunny had done it! By entering the battle field at the precise time, the bunny swayed the battle in just the right way: he killed him.
Satisfied at a job well done, the bunny headed off to the grocery store to purchase some victory meat slabs. Then the cars came!
The first came at top gear wielding a board with a nail in it. The bunny dodged it with the grace of a drunkard. But inside the car …
“Could you pass the scones?” said an outrageously British-accented Greek in the passenger side. Slowly, mechanically, and menacingly the driver clicked his head to the right, looked at him, opened his mouth and screamed “SPEW!!!” a bowling ball shout out his mouth at 75 miles an hour. The bowling ball took both the Greek’s and the bunny’s head clean off. It was a miracle he survived.
Then the next three cars, strapped with Tupperware containers full of battery acid, came charging at the bunny’s head. The bunny then surprisingly opened his mouth to miraculous proportions and screamed “FOOD!!!” The cars were tasty. Too bad they were full of children.
THE END!
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| More nonsense |
| 04.06.04 (12:47 am) [edit] |
here's another round of the writing game I did with my bro.
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Billy had a blue dog who was named Splattergoon. he died. The waffles had gotten to him.
But this didn't stop his rampage of HYDROGEN FUSTION POWER LAZERS!!! Then came suzie, she had a crush on Billy. but the only problem was that she had a eating disorder, she couldn't identify edible & non-edible goods, So when she ate the HYDROGEN FUSION POWER LAZER GENERATOR, she paused to think. BAM!!!!
Suzie screamed in terror as huge rays of death blasted forth from her ARMPITS!!!!! Billy was the first to go. His body was torn to jagged pieces from the force of radioactive particles. It was a miracle he survived.
"Suzie, you suck!!!!" defiantly screamed most of Billy's lungs. Then his legs came up after her.
By this time Suzie's entire upper body had been consumed by the energy stream.
TO BE ... CONTINUED!!!
At this time of dire peril, Splattergon, the blue dog, came to the scene. But he was still dead.
With all of the force he had left in him (which was none), Splattergon elevated into the air, floated over to Billy, & began humping his leg.
"Hooray!" exclaimed billy, "You've come to save me!"
But what poor little Billy didn't know, was that when thedog finished his business, the made Billy's condition worse...
Billy's only hope was to replace his mangled body w/parts from the dog. So he pulled a shotgun out of hispocket & clubbed the dog with his shotgun and began to load the dotg into his shotgun.
Meanwhile, Suzie contemplated the advantages of the S-Corp business class.
She died.
The dog was loaded, he pointed the gun down into his throat and BAM! With the fusion of his remains, the dog's and gunpowder, he bacame something.
Billy woke up several hours later. He began walking down the streets feeling better than ever, but having no recollection of the past 39 1/2 hours.
A nice old lady was crossing the street, so he decided to help her. All of the sudden, he began humping the nice old lady's leg. Although she was quite surprised by this, she was completely caught off gaurd whent Billy opened his mouth and filled her face with buckshot.
It was a miracle she survived.
But then it was quite ironic that a speeding green club wagon van slammed into her & splattered her on the grail.
It was at this moment that Billy (who was somehow untouched by the green death machine) first noticed the granny-smeared grail.
What Billy didn't know was that he had short-term memory...
"FOOD!!" cried Billy with joy.
Billy ran toward the van licking his lips & stood in front of the van, but he also forgot that the van was still moving @ 90 mph.
billy then experienced unspeakablepain as he was caught between the spinning wheel and the fender. But Billy knew how to make the best ofthe situation...
With his gunpowder-filled arm, he shoved his hand into the gas tank. The van exploded, but poor Billy didn't know it was chuck full of HORRIBLE ninja midgets.
He shat his pants.
The ninja midgets began to combusticate within the explodingvan. "Oh no! Those HORRIBLE ninja midgets are in danger!" thought Billy in distress. So he happily opened his mouth and put them out of their misery with his buckshot. But some the them escaped and they weren't very happy.
Billy's road rash began to sting. Half of his face dangled by a few threads of muscle. he began to think of fairies & fairy dust. He looked down & saw a huge bag of salt. He forgot of his condition, & thought it would be funny to dump the bag of salt on his face, so he did.
Billy screamed and died.
THE END!!!!
But wait, Billy wasn't dead, but just in inscrutiating pain. billy rolled out of the speeding van's fender and skidded on the asphalt leaving a trail of chunks of skin 1/4 mile long. The ninjas saw his pain & decided to help. But then they saw his pain and decided to add to it, so they all pissed on his face.
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| write the next sentence |
| 04.05.04 (1:36 am) [edit] |
on occasion, me and my bro will play round robin story telling. However, we'll only do it one sentence at a time.
Here's one of the inane stories:
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One day, a fat little boy went into a butcher's shop. - but this was no ordinary butcher shop, this shop was special ... Very special. But, the fat little boy didn't realize this, and that's because fat little boys are generaly very stupid. So he was shot dead.
"That oughta teach that butterball for not staying in school," said the butcher as he put away his .75 Desert Eagle.
Then it happened: Flowerman came w/his mighty pollenator of justice to reak havoc among the evil. His pollenator went snicker-snack and ripped the man asunder. After he blew apart, a mob of customers came to the butcher shop to buy chunks of meat. Flowerman quickly realized the great sales potential and sold the pieces of meat for a premium price.
So, Flowerman sold meats, some that were the butcher's and some that WERE the butcher's meat. Those poor unfortunate souls that bought the meat extracted from the butcher and the fat little boy died of food poisoning. But Tiny Tim didn't get sick. In fact, he loved it.
Tiny Tim returned to the store & asked Flowerman where he got the meat. Flowerman shoed him; he blew up the next guy that walked in. The boy's eyes widened with wonder as he asked, "Can I try?" Flowerman smiled, "Of course," and blasted Tiny Tim to pieces. A soft & distant, "Hooray!!!!!!" was to be heard.
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