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| There is no escape |
| 07.05.04 (9:40 pm) [edit] |
Here's another bizarre tale from me and my bro:
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Kaboom!
Poor grandma had sever diarrhea. The eruptions of her digestional track could be heard for miles around. This infuriated several people, but none so much as Uncle Ben.
He grabbed his sawed-off shotgun. Ben hopped on the plutonium gilded unicycle of unnecessary pain in the unmentionables (affectionately called “Craig”) and rode to the old woman’s house.
The doorbell rang. “Oh! That must be little Suzy who was gonna ask me for some cookies,” said the grandma who was foaming at the mouth. She lifted herself with the methane propulsion and hovered out of the chimney.
She jumped off the roof blastin’ “this will teach you to mooch you piece of ****!” Ben fired two shots at what was to him a UFO but missed. He expressed his frustrations by saying “would you like a nacho?”
Too bad Ben missed, ‘cuz Little Suzy, who had beaten Ben to the door, didn’t even see it coming. Grandma let loose a pin-point accurate earth-shattering kaboom and disintegrated Suzy. Too bad Suzy was full of nitro-glycerin. (She had a bad habit of eating “Jr. Bomber Chemistry Sets”) Nothing was ever heard from them again.
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“Who ordered the sack of cheese?” cried the mailman as blood was dripping from his eyes. Mr. Big screamed out, “That’s not what he said!!” Just then something flew out of the mailman’s mouth and latched onto Mr. Big’s face. The blood stopped dripping from the mail man’s eyes.
Mr. Big screamed in bloody murder as the flesh was sucked off his skull. Good thing he had mechanical arms. His third hand folded back into his forearm and a hydraulic smasher came out.
… at least that’s what HE called it (a third arm?) so his “third arm” went smashing away.
“What the **** is that!?” cried Suzy who had survived the blast.
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The mailman, Mr. Bir, the thing and the third mechanical arm were all surprised at the sudden arrival of Suzy. None of them had ever seen her before.
“There!” cried Captain Amazing with his exploding knee caps. “I just hope I can save them from the evil clutches of Suzy before my knee caps explode.” He flew to the scene of the crime.
Captain Amazing kicked down the door only to see something horrible. It was Rush Limbaugh … naked. “Damn you Limbaugh!!” screamed the Captain as his kneecaps burst sending bone shards through the fat man’s body.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! He exploded!
Rush Limbaugh picked up the broken body of the captain and ruled the world.
THE END
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Act II
Rush was on the pot when the hails of machine gun bullets went flying into his flesh.
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