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| Star Fox Assault already! |
| 01.30.05 (11:51 pm) [edit] |
Just a service announcement.
To those of you with Game Cube:
You can rent Star Fox Assault now. It's not due in stores for another 2 weeks, but you can check out this pretty good game right away. How fun's that! (at least it was available at Hollywood Video)
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| GTA San Andreas = D+ (if that) |
| 01.24.05 (10:46 pm) [edit] |
Just so you know, I am slightly biased against this game for the following reasons:
1) I don't like Bad Boys.
2) I can't relate with 90's gangsters. I'm a white guy who's lived in upper-middle class suburbia all my life. I just can't relate.
3) I was honestly expecting something much better. They didn't have Punisher or Resident Evil 4 at the rental store, and I was looking for something to satisfy my bloodlust (like the previous installments of GTA have)
4) I didn't really read the reviews, only the hype. So I was expecting something much more.
That being said, let's get on with the crap!
Rockstar games continues it's trend of pretty dang good games by hardly touching the existing GTA graphics engine and giving an unsatisfying game!
wait ... what?
I'll go ahead and break up the review into categories, to make my ranting much easier to follow:
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STYLE*
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(this is style minus execution. This is simply how well they got the flow and the feel of the thing.)
300%. It's 90s hood rappers to the extreme. Even if I really don't like the stuff, I do have to admit that it's pretty authentic.
They even use the F-word about 5 times a minute. And I'm not kidding, the drop the F-word left and right. I think this is only the second game I've played that's said it this much. (the original Conker's BFD had a cheat code to unedit the Fs). So, if you wanna hear polygonal characters cuss, here's something for you. (whatever ...)
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EXECUTION
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(referring to the polish in the cutscenes, timing, etc.)
D-
had they released this 4 years ago when GTA3 came out, I would have graded higher, but times have changed.
Basically, it's like watching a Bad Boys style movie without a rap soundtrack. Rockstar decided not to included any sort of music with their cutscenes, making them dull sordid affairs.
Another problem is that their cutscenes are longer than before. SO MUCH HIDEOUSLY LONGER! I mean, why? Seems they did a half-assed attempt at appeasing critics who pointed out that there really wasn't much reason to care about the criminal protagonist. But the character is still pretty dull and lifeless. Besides, IMO, you don't play GTA to care about a criminal, you play GTA to BE a criminal.
To give you an idea, here's how they tell you about the other gangs. Actual quote from the game via hud text: "these are the ballers, they are your sworn enemy." Boom, they expect you to care about this guy with this much build-up. wow.
Couple this with facial models that have ZERO expression, and you got yourself snoozeville.
Timing gets thrown off due to the outdated graphics engine they're using (more on that later). i.e. there's a hold-up at a pizza joint. the clerk insults the gunman, distracting him, then pulls out a shotgun and opens fire. the plot outline seems like it's funny enough. HOWEVER, there's no actual cutscene specific animation*, the camera angles are stationary in dull spots, there's no music again, and there's no facial expressions to help. Throw in the load times between phrazes, and instead of a foiled heist, you have a foiled joke. (*if you're looking for an excuse, Insomnic's Rachet and Clank 3 has about as many cutscenes and they're all loaded to the teeth with special animations. Insomic is also considerably smaller than Rockstar.)
So, yeah, those style points account for nuttin'.
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GAME CONTROLS
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The nice thing about being so disinterested about the whole be a thug concept is that I could focus on the gameplay.
And it sucks.
They're using the EXACT mechanics they used in GTA3. Sure, there's more whistles and bells and things to level up. But the control of the cars are still slightly glitchy, the bikes still ride like a car, and combat is better handled with a vehicle running people over than it is acutally hitting them. So, yeah, no real improvements on the core gameplay.
Sure, GTA3 was good control back in the day. But that was also the first game of it's kind we had seen. But now that there's been a good number of other games, with more responsive control (i.e. games with a sense of momentum when you're walking around on foot), GTA San Andreas well ... sticks out like a shattered thumb.
Makes me think that I would have hated GTA3 if it weren't for the NY Mob influince.
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GRAPHICS
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SUCK.
SUCK SUCK SUCKY SUCK.
The graphics are inexcusable.
The only improvement I've seen is that the fog of war has been lifted to a managable driving condition, as opposed to the 200 feet of yesteryear.
But other than that, it sucks.
BIG TIME.
I mean, there's bloody portraits hanging on the wall that are like 25x25 pixels wide. I mean, they might as well have used one of these emoticons like this guy here: :D . He has more pixels than the pic of the main character's late mom. (I'm not kidding you in the least bit. The pic of the late mom was about 8 pixels wide ear to ear and 16 pixels from top of the head to bottom of the frame. For all I know, that could have been a pic of a man.)
That's not the end of it either. The textures on a good number of things are PIXELATED! AS IN YOU CAN SEE THE PIXELS! AS IN SOMETHING I HAVEN'T SEEN SINCE THE DAYS OF THE PS1!!! WHAT THE CRAP?!?!?
I'm not saying like somewhat pixelated when you look close at it in First Person View. I'm saying that from the standard game camera, you can see pixels on a wall that's a good 60 feet away from the camera. Yeah, that was about how good the first play station was.
I MEAN COME ON!!! IS THAT ALL THE BETTER THEY CAN DO?!?!?!?
- 1000% for doing something that shitty.
Another thing ... the colors ...
Seems the director really liked the sunset scenes from Bad Boys that washed out the colors in everything leaving a orange black color scheme, 'cause that's what the whole game's like! They say that you can tell the difference between the different gangs by what colors they wear, but between orange sunrise and sunset, and too dark night fall, there's only about 20 percent of the game's day period that you can actual tell the colors of ANYTHING.
BAD CALL.
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SOUND
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HA!
First time I'm in a firefight, I hear some sort of static popping. I'm trying to think "What the crap's making that sucky noise?" Then I realize that it's the machine gun. The SMG makes a static pop 3 times a second when you fire it.
The shot gun makes a low static pop.
....
I could have gotten better sounds from a Napster style file program had I looked for 20 minutes.
Pitiful.
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GAMEPLAY
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Not as sucky as the other elements, but still not good.
Like I mentioned before, there's long cutscenes. Sure, they aren't as long as the half-hour codec conversations from MGS, but they are too long since nothin' really happens in them. (especially for me, who can't relate to gangsters, and who really doesn't care about the main character.)
Besides, the missions that i've played so far have been sloooooooooooooooow tutorial missions. I mean, all I want to do is bust some ass like I did in Liberty City.
And, I've already found a glitch in one of the missions. Don't know how I triggered it, but here's the scenario:
Buddy wants CJ (the main character) to look presentable. So after a 2 minute cutscene that's unskippable the first time, you take a ride out to the barber. You have to buy a hair cut. (Yeah, you HAVE to buy a hair cut.) then the guy tells CJ he looks skinny and tells him to go get somethin' to eat at the place accross the street. You get some food, and the buddy starts the hold-up gag I mentioned earlier. The hold-up CUTSCENE is supposed to start immediatly upon buying your food. First time I did it, the scene didn't start. So I had to drive all the way back to the starting point and restart the mission.
whatever ...
So yeah, I really didn't like the game.
I mean, I usually play rented games for at least 5 hours in order to get a pretty good feel for them before i write up the review. But I've played this one for 3 1/2 hours so far, and nothing interesting has happened yet. I feel pretty confident that nothing will.
I'd much rather spend my time building up my SSX3 riders than playing GTA San Andreas for 1 and a half more hours just to validate this review.
Verdict in plain english:
Don' even rent this game unless you're a massachist, or you loved 90s gangster films and you want to play a game that's a deathly pale and boring comparison to the movie. I imagine it's more fun to get kicked in the crotch for grabbing a ugly man's ass.
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| House of Flying Daggers = A |
| 01.22.05 (10:59 am) [edit] |
short on time as usual, so here's my review in brief.
Don't believe hype that it's "more action packed than yada yada yada ...." It does have action in it, but it's certainly not action packed.
It's a lot more of an artsy film. there's a couple of dance sequences and what not.
I think it's probably the most polished looking chinese film I've seen in terms of special effects and whatnot.
I deffinately shouldn't have gotten a PG-13 rating. Quite a bit of blood. i.e. daggers slitting peoples' throats, leaving an open wound and a blood splurt. Just thought you might like the heads up.
so yeah, it's a great movie, but I wouldn't really recommend it to people unless they appreciated art, like chinese movies, and didn't mind the bad material it contains.
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| 10,000 hits special! |
| 01.21.05 (9:18 pm) [edit] |
well, now that I hit 10,000 hits on my counter, I think that calls for a celebration.
meaning that I'll take a request for a color drawing! gratis!
my website's here: http://www.cleancutstudio.com...
Go there and check out my art if you want.
Anyhoo ... submit your requests/suggestions in to the reply bin. I'll just take a pic from what's there and do a color rendition. (I probably am going to be a bit more leniant towards video game fanart, especially Capcom fanart, hint hint.)
So, yeah. Post requests in the reply bin. And I'll get a color pic up in about a week. Good luck!
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| Corpse Bride preview |
| 01.21.05 (9:17 pm) [edit] |
Well, just a couple quick notes for y'all ...
1) my blog counter today read: 10,007 woohoo! I think I should post a celebratory drawing or something ...
2) with college back in session I won't be updating as much. Just sporadically throughout the week (maybe twice a week).
3) My bro sent me a link to a preview for Burton's upcoming movie The Corpse Bride.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/corpse_br ide/large.html" title="http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/corpse_br ide/large.html" target="_blank"http://www.apple.com/trailers...
Hooray for that! return to glorious stop motion ...
so, go me!
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| Rachet and Clank = YES. |
| 01.17.05 (6:20 pm) [edit] |
Rented Rachet and Clank last week. Very very very good game, which is surprising seeing as how the studios put out it's 3rd game of the series in as many years. I certainly wouldn't mind if the trend continued though.
I guess a good comparison would be that this is about the closest equivalent of an 3D translation of an old-school white-knuckle platform shooter. And I'm all about the old school blasters.
Ok, so pretty much, your run around from planet to planet blowing up everything in your path. You have about (it seems) 25 different weapons at your disposal. All the weapons can be upgraded by killing your opponents, as can your maximum health.
There's also a number of side challenges and what not throughout the game are just plain fun in and of themselves.
Plot-wise, I think it's a marked improvement over the previous installment. I say this mainly because the game doesn't have the innacurate video-game timing that sometimes happen (jokes not being played out the way they should, etc.). Anyhoo ... the jokes are better timed, while the voice cast is the same, it also bears a marked improvement. I guess they're more used to their characters or something. So yeah, in short it's quite a bit funnier.
Just a mild heads up. Note that on the back of this package there's a rating write-up for "crude humor." While not horribly offensive (or even PG-13 rated for that matter), it certainly did catch me off gaurd.
So yeah, go rent it at the very least. Otherwise buy it.
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| transformers (PS2) = A |
| 01.10.05 (6:41 pm) [edit] |
I rented this last week and put the usual 5 hours into it, great game.
As you can expect, you take the role of the heroic autobots and hunt down the evil decepticons before they can take over the universe. And for whatever reason you do all this on Earth.
Anyways, the game story revolves around some Microbots. I haven't seen a single frame of animation from the new series, but in the game they're used rather well: you search out these microbots, and in return you get new weapons, bonuses, whatevers. Collectibles with unique incentives beat the living hud out of collectibles for the sake of collectibles (as in the scourge unleashed by Banjo Kazooie).
The control scheme is pretty standard fare for 3rd person shooters, but it is solid control. Which makes for the ability of some wicked cool crowd clearing scenes.
Besides, what other game lets you shoot at a guy, jump off a cliff and shoot him while gliding through the sky?
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| blah blah |
| 01.06.05 (6:27 pm) [edit] |
in case you're wondering where I've been ...
I just haven't had any time to play anything or watch any movies. Job Hunting sucks my time up big.
Oh well ...
I think I'm on the last boss of Metroid Fusion. I'll review that one once I get through it. (It'll probably take me a couple of tries to get through it.)
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| Job Hunting advice |
| 01.03.05 (7:09 pm) [edit] |
In case you're in the need for a job, here's a tip from what I did.
It can easily fill up an entire day, so plan ahead.
type up a hot sheet with all the hard to remember stats (names, addresses, and phone numbers of referalls, institutions of education, and previous employers). Print out at least a dozen resumes. Take these with you and go to any comercial sector and hop door to door.
Chances are they'll give you an application, so you can fill it out right on the spot. This leaves a good impression and they'll probably be more lenient in calling you up for an interview.
Anyhow, that's how it turned out for me. After about 20 applications, and 6 resume turn-ins, I have 6 interviews scheduled throughout this coming week. So, hooray for me.
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| how a man should date |
| 01.02.05 (8:58 pm) [edit] |
ok, like I promised, here's the aground breaking theory I've made.
And, unlike my letter responses that I write on occassion, this one's serious. So, listen well.
GUIDE FOR MEN TO AVOID GETTING LOCKED IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP
Let me state who this is for. This is for those single men who are honest, well meaning men. This is for those who want to have a good lasting relationship, but don't seem to have any luck. This is also for those men who are in a relationship with a girl that gets on their nerves, but they don't want to leave for whatever reason. This does not apply to jerks.
Secondly, this is not intended for those who don't have a history of bad relationships. If you don't have a history you either don't have a problem with it and don't need dating guides, or you haven't dated.
This guide is also open excuses and what-not, but the central theory is pretty much impervious.
Anyhoo, let's open with the bottom line of the theory:
Men can never control a relationship.
Now, let me clarify. By control, I mean hormonal/emotional control and influence (I'll explain what I mean by that later). This is related to scenarios like the following:
"She's a great girl, but she has a couple of habits that gets on my nerves. I also don't want to get locked down into a lasting relationship. I've set some rules with her to make sure we don't get back together. So it'll be alright to date her on occassion."
The scenario is that of:
1) Woman has certain traits that are undesirable
2) Man wishes to be single
3) Man thinks he can control the situation and retain his free will, private space, girl friendless status, or whatever else the case may be.
(again, I reiterate: this is intended for love-sick fools, not cheating intimidating jerk scumbags)
The truth of the matter is that when it comes to hormones/emotions, most men in the American culture cannot win in competition with a woman. And most men means 99.99999% of men (you're not the exception). This is not a put-down on men. Men and women are different (whether it's genetics or society to blame is a moot point).
I'm not even going to touch as to why the woman wins every time, no time for that and I haven't had enough observations to study that one. Regardless, when it's level grounds without intimidation men will loose to a woman when hormones are involved.
I'll explain what I mean by hormones/emotions. Normally, they're seperate things. But, when dating's involved, they combine very intricately, so it's very time consuming and difficult to determine how much of one's decisions is made by themselves or by their hormones.
Now, I can't tell you why a woman wins, but I can tell you why a man looses. Most men seem to be put into a much more weaker position when the two mix (a larger exception are those who turn violent, which this guide is not intended for).
So, for the man who wants to remain in control of themselves, I offer the complete theory.
"A man can never be in emotional/hormonal control of a relationship. However, a man can easily avoid being under hormonal/emotional control if he knows how."
Basically, know how you should keep your hormones in check and you won't end up with a bad girl friend.
So, here's some warning signs and suggestions:
1) BEWARE OF GIFTS! You're casually dating a girl, and a very nice gift is given to you. This is a bad thing. While money shouldn't be the basis of a relationship, it certainly can serve as a good indicator. No one spends a good deal of money on someone they don't want to impress. How this turns into a control on her part is when you decide to break it off. You'll see the gift and guilt will be created. You won't want to hurt her feelings because she spent money/time/whatever in order to get that gift to you. Hence, you are under her control.
2) Make sure you worry about your sanity before hurting her family's feelings. If you like the girl's parents, but not the girl, do stuff with the rest of the family. Easy enough, isn't it?
3) Relationship in my book is defined as: 2 people doing stuff together somewhat frequently. No excuses, no convenient titles to hide behind.
4) this is crass, but the advice has served me well. "Never let your pecker get harder than your head."
5) The simplist way to keep yourself in check is that of analytical thinking. Analytical thinking is emotionally detached. Therefore, the hormonal/emotional vice is absent. Think about things like: does she get on my nerves, do I have enough money to be dating her, am I actually having fun or am I just in it to make out.
6) If all else fails and your find yourself whupped over a girl without being able to think analytically, remember this: girls poop. (does not apply to those with a poop fetish, you're on you're own if that's the case). Yup, girls poop and make the bathroom stinky just like the men do. Just imagine: after your date, she kisses you goodnight, goes upstairs, sits on the pot and cringes, beads of sweat roll down her face as the foul methane expells into the room and she pinches a reesty loaf. Don't feel horny anymore about her, do ya? This should get you back into a logical thinking pattern where you'll be able break free of emotional/hormonal control.
So there, hope that was of some service to you. I just wish I knew what topic to put this under ...
oh well, default will have to do.
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| Happy New Years |
| 01.02.05 (12:22 am) [edit] |
Just a quick one.
Happy belated new years to everyone and what not.
Me? What did I do New Years Eve? Let me tell you:
My brother and I turned down multiple invitations to go to various social events in order to stay home and play Battle for Middle Earth for 7 hours. It was a personal flip-off to the world, even though we weren't mad at the world.
Honestly, it was one of the funnest new years eve parties I've had, if not THE funnest. There's a number of reasons for this:
1) we didn't have the dire need to warm a girl up for a new years kiss
2) neither of us drink, so being at drinking parties is really lame. (when you're the only person who's sober at a party, it's really like you're the only person who's at a party seeing as how no-one else can carry on a conversation with you). Hence, we didn't have to wait around bored with no-one to talk to.
3) We aren't into the whole social event scene (where a bunch of people gather around and gossip about each other)
4) Battle for Middle Earth is a frickin' awesome game.
Anyways, a normal post will follow tomorrow. Well, kinda normal, some dating theories I've developed that have kept me out of bad relationships. (sorry, it's for men. It isn't "man good, woman bad", but it's for men.)
laters ...
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